Observation
by CodeLyoko
Summary: Philip had always believed that out of all the subjects he had looked up, Shoutarou had always peeked his interest. But now something has been bothering him ever since he came back, enough to bring him to a dead stop during a lookup.


Well, I recently had been getting into Kamen Rider, and I just finished watching W a few days ago. I fell in love with the two main characters, and so I decided to write a little drabble about the pairing. However it became more than a simple drabble and ended up being this long. I hope you enjoy it!

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><p>The squeak of Philip's marker suddenly stopping midway through his lookup gave anyone around him an indication that something was wrong. Another was how his roaming eyes stopped reading the blank book he held close to his chest, instead a hazy gloss slid over them, staring through the book, into nothingness. Inside his head, the barrage of information halted as his mind stopped processing the words into written hiragana, or whichever language he was writing in currently. This sudden stop was getting to be a common occurrence now, ever since he finally came back after a year of being nothing but data in the Earth, yet no matter what he did, he could never figure out what was causing it.<p>

Ignoring how the lowering of his hand caused the marker to mess the word he had been writing up, he furrowed his brows, attempting to figure out what caused him to stop even if it was futile. The last thing he remembered was how he had been writing about various eras of music, and then a sudden memory of… something. Frowning, he caught a hold of that memory, the blurred image coming back into place. Music? A blue mask and a flash of red. Loud voices coming through speakers in a tune that wasn't classical but more like…

It hit him suddenly what memory it had been. It was when he and Shoutarou had been singing in the Fuuuuuutic Idol competition. A clever ploy he had instigated in order to find the Liar Dopant but… A hint of a smile wormed its way onto his lips, he had enjoyed the ability to go out and do something instead of being kept locked up here, and singing with Shoutarou had been uplifting. He knew the other couldn't refuse, due to his hobby of karaoke. The pounding of his heart had not only been the result of the music but… Dark eyes staring at the crowds behind a blue mask with a smile on his lips -

"Hey partner, are you alright?" The unexpected voice next to him startled him out of his thoughts, taking a step back and turning wide eyes to the very person he had been thinking about. Hesitantly he nodded, trying to look away and act like he still was researching and failing. Shoutarou had looked unconvinced at the strange look, turning to glance at the scribbling on the white boards, and even some on the walls. Some of the words and phrases had been in different languages; Shoutarou swore there even was Russian in the middle there. All he knew was that he had been looking up music, and had slipped into the classical portion, but other than that, he couldn't keep up with all the recreational research his partner was doing.

The self-proclaimed 'hardboiled' detective had entered the hidden room after their client had left, going to check to see if Philip wanted to help Akiko and him find yet another lost dog during their slow day. Even though it was now safe to explore the city without Museum trying to find him, he felt as if the other still preferred to stay indoors. It didn't explain the strange scene he came across with Philip simply standing quiet with only one and a half whiteboards covered in writing. Clearly something was wrong to pull him away from his research, something important enough to distract him.

Pulling him over to the coach and sitting him down occurred to Shoutarou but… He learned his lesson the first time when Philip had stopped coming up to him asking him if he wanted him to lookup anything and told him not to disturb him when he was writing. Trying to pull him away from the whiteboards had been a nightmare and so he left him to his devices, except of course those times when he went overboard… The mochi and weight loss incidents were never going to be forgotten.

Shoutarou's lips twitched upwards in fondness of those memories, still so fresh after so long. All he had to do was wait for an answer, if he was going to get one. Philip withdrew his hand, forgetting that there was a marker clutched tightly in his fingers. He hadn't been able to correctly answer his question, something that was driving him crazy. Normally he would have been able to formulate such a simple thing, but when he didn't understand what was plaguing him… He risked a chance to stare up at the detective, observing his own actions as he normally did when the other wasn't looking.

The concern in those eyes, the way they always kept flickering back to him, like he would vanish if he looked away. Philip turned away from him, gaze shifting down to his book, and then up to his right hand, understanding what Shoutarou might have been unconsciously thinking. It seemed even a few months after his return that he still felt like he could vanish at any second. The bookworm knew that Shoutarou felt the same, that he was afraid of losing him once again. Too many nightmares, too many waking moments when he felt like he was losing touch in reality and everything would cruelly shatter around him.

Sometimes, Philip swore he could almost feel himself losing his new body while he slept, leading to many nights of tossing and turning.

"You aren't going anywhere… I'm going to make sure of that." The sudden warmth of a hand enclosing his trembling one nearly startled the younger male, but as his eyes raised to meet Shoutarou's, the tension vanished from his muscles. The warmth traveled from his fingertips down into his arm, a calming effect spreading. When had his hand begun to shake? Briefly he thought of doing a lookup on random hand tremors when he noted the serious look in Shoutarou's eyes. The intensity of the gaze and the sincerity in them did nothing to hide the slight pained look that always lurked behind them, dwelling in their depths. Time could never truly heal the impact his 'death' made on either of them, not matter how long it would take.

"How… half-boiled." There was a relieved undertone in his voice, even if it was meant to be teasing. His voice seemed to echo in the room, noticing again how it was only the two of them there. Akiko was still in the office, waiting for them to come up. Shoutarou just scoffed at the response, as if knowing that it was coming, yet his hand still held Philip's, instead only slightly tightening. He knew it was no use arguing how hard-boiled he was. Philip was aware of his heartbeat noticeably pounding in his ears, of something else in Shoutarou's eyes that vanished when he searched for it. As if just now realizing they were holding hands, the detective quickly withdrew it and scratched his head, nearly knocking his fedora off in his haste, looking back at the door. A feminine voice came through the half-closed hidden door.

"Akiko's getting impatient. We're heading out to find the client's dog. If you're done," To this Shoutarou gestured towards the whiteboards, "with your research, we were hoping you'd join us." Philip tapped his chin, debating. He could go on a wild goose chase to find yet another lost animal, or he could instead delve deeper into what was going on with him. No matter how he longed to go outside, his mind was pressuring him into figuring it all out. Giving his partner an apologetic smile, he motioned to his book.

"Alright Philip, but tomorrow we're going out for karaoke. Akiko won't take no for answer!" Shoutarou placed a hand on Philip's shoulder, knowing his words would have at least given him something to look forward to. It was easy to tell that something was bothering each of them, but neither wanted to bring it up, at least not now. Although, as Shoutarou went to exit the room, he realized how unsettling it was when his smart partner elected to not talk in the time he had been in the room with him.

Silence still persisted long after he heard the front door close. Shutting his book finally after several minutes of just listening, Philip held up his hand again. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he could still remember how it felt as his data-fied body was beginning to disintegrate at first. The feeling of parts of himself nearly vanishing into thin air, nothingness that scared him. The green pixels that had made him up floating away back to Gaia, until the time when he truly had been gone… He shuddered at that thought, immediately deviating his mind from that memory.

Something landed on his foot, causing him to quickly side step, looking down.

"Slipper attack! Slipper attack!" Akiko's voice came through crystal clear through the Frog Pod, which happily repeated its phrase as it hopped around him, nearly landing on the Denden Sensor which had been trying to crawl up the wall. The sight brought a bright smile to his face; the gadgets seemed to prefer to play around down here out of the way of possible clients, the Stag Phone zooming around above him.

Clients… His smile quickly faded, remembering again the reason why he had slipped away from listening to their current client. It had been a woman, as most of their clients were nowadays. It had never bothered him before, but the way Shoutarou acted when around them, the way his eyes followed them, the way he talked. It bothered him in a way he never felt before, or at least he thought so. He had never paid attention to how he felt before he disappeared. All he knew is that he felt left out. Akiko and Shoutarou were the ones who mainly took the cases, while Philip sat around only slightly listening in.

It had been no surprise when no one had noticed him slipping away into the hidden room to do research.

Shaking his head, he dropped the marker that was still in his hand, not bothering to look where it landed and walked over to the edge of the floor. A lookup was in order to figure out what was going on with him. He would never be able to finish his previous research unless this was done first. Closing his eyes and letting out a calming breath, he rose one hand, the other clutched the book to his chest. White light shone from beneath him as his mind ascended into the library. All around him were thousands of bookshelves, books tempting him to come over and open, to read through the knowledge of Gaia that he, and only he, had access to. Running his fingertips along the closest bookshelf, reveling in the feel of hard leather beneath his skin, he walked into an intersection, staring ahead into the whiteness of the void.

"Keywords are…" Pausing, the older teen held up his right hand, turning it this way and that as he remembered the feeling when Shoutarou's hands were over his. "Warmth." As soon as he said the word, bookshelves zoomed past him, disappearing as the number of books were halved. However, the mountain of bookshelves that still lay before him was too many to sort through in the time he wanted. Thinking again back to when his partner was here, pacing in a small circle, he remembered how those eyes couldn't stay on him, fidgeting slightly until their hands had met.

"Nervousness?" This lookup had turned into more of a guessing game than anything, as he really wasn't sure what he was looking for. The next keyword would solve his problems, he thought as he stared at the library, shelves falling into place like a jigsaw puzzle, only to be thrown away in a sense, disappearing behind him. In the end, the library was providing him with ten bookshelves filled to the brim with possible topics. A quick glance at the nearest bookshelf revealed that he still needed one last word to get where he needed to be. He sighed, tapping his chin in order to figure out what it could be. He was aware that his skin randomly started to have a burning sensation, like his first keyword, yet the word eluded him. Turning his thoughts once more to Shoutarou, he remembered briefly seeing redness on his cheeks, not just this afternoon, but other days since his reappearance.

"Blush." Instantly the remaining bookshelves disappeared, leaving only a few left hovering for a second before the library decided the initiative. Reaching out for one of the few books, many of them scattered and flew by him. Blinking in confusion, Philip was only able to spy the two of the titles, 'Anxiety' and 'Flight-or Fight', before they too vanished from sight, leaving only one still floating. Hesitantly he reached out, fingers flexing, as if this book was also going to be taken from him as well. The library barely ever took the search results into its own hands, and to do so now was, well, strange. The book was rather thick and had a dark red leather binding. Turning it onto its side, he made out the silver letters.

"Love?" Opening his eyes as he exited the library, Philip glanced down at the blank book he always carried around with a frown. He only briefly touched on the subject before in a previous research on happiness and other emotions. He never descended into the topic, but before he had felt… hesitance on doing so? Brushing away a stray strand of hair that had escaped his small binder clip, he went up to the board, flipping the book open and began to read. He snatched his marker back from where he dropped it and held up it to the first clean whiteboard he found.

The word Love was the only thing that was written on the board before he paused, glancing up at his previous research from before. Looking from that to the word he just wrote, he found himself gripping the book closer to him, as if wanting to shelter it from anyone's prying eyes in case the other two came back. For some reason he didn't want anyone to see this, like it was some big secret, something he just didn't understand at the time. Mechanical chirps surrounded him, reminding that the numerous gadgets were still around him. Motioning for them to move away from his feet, he dropped the marker back onto the holder and walked over to the couch, catching sight of Fang staring at him curiously next to it. A screech emanated from his direction, turning his head this way and that as if to figure out what was wrong.

Ignoring how the gadgets followed him even after he tried to shoo them away, he got comfortable on the couch, lying his head on the arm of it as he opened his book to the first page. He knew bits and pieces about love, and as he read, discovered the different types of love. Platonic, familial, romantic, puppy love, the list went on, only furthering his confusion as information poured from the book into his mind. Romantic was one he had witnessed with Akiko and Ryuu, although he hadn't paid attention to when their love had started. Briefly his free fingers twitched, acting as if they were writing the knowledge on the white board.

There were six types of so called love the Greeks labeled, eros, ludus, storge pragma, mania, and agape. Following the words down to their definitions, he committed each to memory, all the while trying to sort out how this affected him. His mind raced, how many different types of love was there? Every country seemed to have their own ideas, own definitions, things that still didn't drive home the meaning of it, even as he read how one comes to love another. Did he have feelings? Thinking back to the woman, he guessed he had been feeling not just loneliness but perhaps jealousy. In that situation, he would have rather had the attention on him, the woman out of the picture. The smiles and soft eyes, even that silly half-baked 'hard-boiled' act he put forth for others, he found himself wanting to be on the receiving end of it.

Hands clenched both the book's spine and threaded through the blanket that draped over the couch. Was this feeling jealousy then? All those times he found himself looking at the other, small glances, even recognizing now that as he thought about Shoutarou, his lips were twitching up in a smile, his heart seemed to flutter. In the book it explained these symptoms, but still Philip wasn't sure what to believe. What would his partner say if he found out? It was true he had read up on Shoutarou before when they first met, however there had been several parts of the books he had merely skimmed before he deemed him interesting enough to read the rest.

Shoutarou would have gone crazy if he said that out loud. As quick as the new smile, the slight chuckle, came, they disappeared just as fast as his mind presented him with some info he remembered reading before. There was the fact that Shoutarou liked women, it was obvious, seeing as how he acted around their clients, but… An unsure expression fell across Phillip's face. Then why was it that his partner had blushed when he realized he had grabbed his hand? And those small glances he _knew_ that Shoutarou had sent him so many times was not only about being worried he would disappear again. There was something else underneath there, but he couldn't figure it out. Even during their mental link, he always considered delving deeper into their fused mind to pick it out, but never acted on it. As much as he wanted to learn what it was, he never wanted to hurt his partner by invading his mind directly.

Frustration caused Philip to snap his book shut in the middle of his research, breaking the connection to the library through it. He had lost track on where he was during the reading, his mind and interest derailed once more. What did effect did Shoutarou have on him so much that he couldn't go through one day without finishing any of his research? Letting out a sigh, he placed his book next to him on the couch, rolling over onto his side, trying to ignore a strange feeling like the library was pouting at his rejection. Below him Fang had walked up, always observing him with what Philip could only describe as a guard dog's protectiveness. His eyes softened, reaching down without hesitation to pat him on the head as if he truly were a dog. A hiss came through the door which somehow had opened, sharp eyes looking down on the gadgets and Fang in particular.

"Mikku?" he asked, tilting his head to look up at him. The cat was his only family left, and he had been relieved that he was allowed to keep him. However, it didn't mean that the gadgets and he played nicely together, on the contrary, it seemed as they always sized each other up, especially the protective Fang. Mikku mewed at Philip, unwilling to trespass into the room where the mechanical devices were before he vanished back into the office area.

His hand was held in front of him, once more finding himself tracing over the area where the warmth had come from. It was like being draped in a warm blanket on a very windy Christmas Eve, satisfying and cozy. How much did he mean to Shoutarou, other than being his partner? The way he observed him over that horrible year of his departure, the times when the detective was so sure no one was watching, and his brave front was broken. The way he went to a beach near a cliff and screamed his pain at the sky, pounding sand beneath his fist. The pained expression he wore when he was about to close the Xtreme Memory for the last time… That anguish and heartbreak when he tried not to cry, even as tears spilled down his cheeks. And then that day when he heard Frog Pod mimicking his voice. That sudden happy expression had broken and every emotion had drained from his face, leaving nothing but raw overwhelming realization that he wasn't there.

What did he mean to him? Was he more than just a partner now? Philip couldn't even answer it himself, all he knew is that he cared for Shoutarou more than a partner as it explained the strange feeling of jealousy.

A flash of white light near his midsection brought him back to reality. Even without glancing down, he could tell what it was. He took a moment to breathe and let everything wash away.

"_Philip, let's go!"_

A smile crept across Philip's lips, closing his eyes as he sat up on the small couch. So it seemed the innocent dog chase led them to encountering a rogue Dopant… Banishing his previous thoughts so he could figure out how to process them later, he raised his hand, Cyclone's Gaia Memory clutched firmly between his fingers. The mental link between him and his partner was strong and true, their minds only a few seconds away from melding together and becoming one. It was a feeling he had missed when he was gone, not to just fight _next_ to his partner, but to be one _with_ him in no way any other being could, not even those women. They were two halves of a whole detective, they were one Kamen Rider W. No one or thing could take that away from them again.

His heart beat loudly. Perhaps he wouldn't find an answer today, but perhaps… Perhaps, like the book said, time would tell.

"Henshin!"


End file.
